Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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