dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Send help, water and tortillas.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
