so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
