I have demons in me.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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