i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
