oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
