How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
