I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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