ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
