We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize