Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
