Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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