Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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