you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize