there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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