Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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