Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
