have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We have started to decorate penises.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize