I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
