Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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