im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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