I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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