You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
