If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
