just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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