I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
