They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize