her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
