sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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