The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
