I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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