remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize