she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
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