My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
