when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
