I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize