I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
