I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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