I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
