so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
