I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
