I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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