it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize