It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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