their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
