the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You are a genius and a whore.
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