absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
