Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
