I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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