allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
