Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
