We're facebook friends in real life
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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