Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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