i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
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