I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
