He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
