if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
