A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
