is wine microwaveable?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
