I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
