I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
