wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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