dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
