There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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