all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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