Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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