We're like a lot better than the average bears
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize