3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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