Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
