Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
