Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I wish I only lived at night.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
