Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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