dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize