How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
